


The Snow and You

by NanakiBH



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon, Romance, Tsunderes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 12:59:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6006934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As long as the snow is falling, home can be seen from anywhere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Snow and You

**Author's Note:**

> I had to finish this while there's still snow on the ground here - not that snow isn't always relevant with these two. I didn't write this with Valentine's Day in mind, so it's just a coincidence that I'm posting this today, though Dist deserves to be with his beloved Jade on Valentine's Day, I think. ♥

It was one of those kinds of mornings where his eyes opened and suddenly he was awake and aware without being sure what caused him to awaken. Usually, he wasn't the first one awake.

Next to him, Jade was still sleeping, laying flat on his back with a hand comfortably resting on his chest. Even in his sleep, he wasn't the affectionate type, so it wasn't often that Dist awoke with an arm around him. The Necromancer himself slept the sleep of the dead; always falling asleep on his back, unmoving until morning.

Even though that much was just like him, the peaceful expression on his sleeping face, however, was a sight rarely seen while the man was awake. The smiles he frequently wore were there to mask the numerous troubles that had accumulated within his deepest reaches, yet, for the hours he was asleep, one could say that he really looked happy. That thought was a little sad on its own, so Dist never let himself think about it too heavily and chose to enjoy that contented look instead.

If Jade happened to open his eyes and caught him staring, Dist would have profusely argued that he hadn't been, that he would gag if he had to stare at his ugly old face for more than a second, but, well... While Jade was asleep, he could shamelessly indulge.

He really was quite pretty... For an old man.

...Jade always _was_ pretty, even when they were young. All of the girls in their class fawned over him and the other boys resented him for everything he had that they didn't, but Jade was oblivious to the attention back then. Somewhere in his journey from disagreeable adolescent to insufferable adult, Jade had acquired an ego that made it impossible for a compliment to make it past him without smug comment. With an attitude like that, the fact that he could still be so pretty was just evil.

At least Dist believed that they were evenly matched. Jade's compliments were reserved, but the way he looked at him in bed was more than enough to communicate his thoughts.

Not that he needed Jade's validation to feel confident or anything...

Sometimes, he really wondered why his dumb heart had to go and choose someone as frustrating as Jade. Even when he was asleep, he was annoying. (Annoyingly perfect.)

Sighing quietly to himself, Dist sat up, careful not to disrupt Jade's sleep. Once he was awake, it was always too difficult to go back to sleep, so there was no point in laying there for any longer unless he wanted Jade to catch him staring after all. The moment he sat up, he shivered, caught off guard by how cold it felt. Even if he had no intentions of going back to sleep, the cold outside of the bed made him want to dive back under the covers and curl up next to Jade to steal his warmth.

After he placed one foot over the side of the bed, he looked back at Jade – a mistake. The urge to get back in was so strong. He really wanted to snuggle him, even if it woke him up.

What was the point of living with him if he couldn't do things like that once in a while?

He'd only been living with Jade in his Grand Chokmah estate for less than a year. They were almost there already, but it felt like they'd been together for much longer than that. Soon after he was released from military custody, they restarted their research together. He wound up spending long hours with Jade at the estate, just going back and forth over ideas, and that was how they stayed. He just sort of... Stayed there.

To be fair, he imposed himself, but it wasn't like Jade couldn't have forced him to leave.

If he were a problem, Jade could've carted him away whenever he wanted. But, for all of his complaining, he didn't do anything about it. He let him stay.

...Maybe he'd let him sleep for a little longer. Jade had stayed up with him late again even though he didn't have to, so he was allowed to have a few extra winks. Unless they got into one of those moods where they felt like saying what they were actually thinking, Dist didn't have it in him to tell him thanks. There wasn't especially any reason to thank him for something like that, but... He appreciated it nonetheless. He loved it when Jade spent time with him and gave him his undivided attention and treated him like an individual of equal intelligence.

That wasn't anything to thank him for. That was something that should've been expected from anyone with decency. But Jade was Jade, and it was hard to expect decency from him without at least one sarcastic comment thrown in to even it out.

They were both messed up. For him to love someone who only showed him affection once in a while, he definitely had to have something wrong with him. Those few moments were what made it feel like every ounce of Jade's sarcasm was worth weathering, though. He'd go to the ends of Auldrant and back again for him if it meant that Jade would always stay near his side.

Yes, as long as he stayed by his side, he wouldn't have to go on any more rampages.

Snorting to himself, Dist finally made himself stand and searched around for the clothes he left on the floor. He quickly pulled on his loose sleep pants and socks, took his glasses from the bedside table, then slipped out of the bedroom with coffee on his mind.

At first, he thought it was absurd that Jade didn't have any servants. He thought he should've at least had someone who would've looked after the place while he was busy or on leave, and Jade just struck him as the type who would enjoy having others take care of all of the mundane housework for him, but a few days with him made Dist realize that was he surprisingly self-reliant. It shouldn't have been a surprise at all, considering how closed he was. Having servants would have meant forging unnecessary relationships.

Jade didn't like tying himself to anyone. That was why, despite the fact that they were clearly living together, Jade never introduced him as anything more than his research partner.

He was going to change one day. Even Jade, as stubborn as he was, couldn't stay that way forever. In their lives' game of cat and mouse, Dist already thought himself the victor, but he hadn't had the satisfaction of hearing Jade admit defeat yet.

With his eyes still a little blurry, adjusting to the morning light, Dist made his way to the kitchen. It would have been nice if someone had already prepared the coffee for them, but he had to admit that there were some very nice advantages to them being the only ones who occupied the estate.

Just the other day, on the kitchen floor...

Then over the desk in the study...

It was a good thing that there was no one to hear them. He had a tendency to yell a lot.

Not that he would've cared all that much if someone walked in on them. It would've caused them both some momentary embarrassment, to be sure, but he had the feeling it would've been more uncomfortable for the other party. They were better off as just the two of them. It made the estate feel quiet, but it wasn't a bad thing.

He rather enjoyed waking up in the morning in the quiet of Jade's room with the winter chill on his eyelashes, surrounded by the warmth of Jade's bed. It was more romantic than he felt worthy of. Even the times when he awoke without Jade beside him, he would still hear the sound of him working in some other part of the house, and those little signs of his presence were more than enough to make him feel satisfied.

With the way Jade acted, Dist would've thought he'd been asking him for something unreasonable. It might've been a little too soon still to say, but, finally having it, it was a much simpler thing than he'd imagined.

By the time he reached the kitchen, his toes were already cold from stepping on the wood floor. After living half of his life in a place where it snowed every day, he felt disappointed in himself. The cold shouldn't have gotten to him, but it did – in a few ways.

In the kitchen, stifling a yawn, he went to the counter to begin fixing the coffee. He found the tin of fresh coffee beans in the cabinet and got as far as putting them down next to the coffee pot on the counter before his attention was drawn to the white light filtering in through the window above the sink. For a second, he thought he was imagining things and adjusted his glasses accordingly, but his eyes had made no mistake.

Outside, it was snowing.

The coffee could wait a minute, he decided.

Since he came to Grand Chokmah, he hadn't seen it snow. Even when it began to get cold, he hadn't expected it to snow for some reason, due in part, perhaps to his first visit being during the summer. The capital's scorching summer had left him with the impression of it as a hot, even tropical place. Then again, any place would have seemed like a beach compared to Keterburg.

Leaving everything on the counter, he found his shoes by the door and slipped them on. They didn't look right at all with what he was wearing, but he wasn't counting on being seen by anyone.

He couldn't even say for sure what it was, but something made him feel compelled to go out and see it for himself. There was just something strange about it. Seeing snow in another place...

It felt like a little part of home had managed to follow him all the way across the ocean. It hadn't needed to announce itself loudly, falling gently yet steadily outside of the window to get his attention. The cold, dry air beyond the doorstep wrapped around him and filled him up in just one breath. For a moment, he stood there, two feet away from the door, feeling the snowy breeze caress his cheek, and, with it, a myriad of memories followed.

It was impossible not to look at the fragile sheets of snow falling in front of him without thinking of home.

Home...

That wasn't quite right anymore.

Walking to the middle of the drive, he held out his hands and let the snow cascade around him. It made him feel somewhat ridiculous, but as long as no one was looking, it had to be alright. It was just... As long as he was alone, he thought he could take that moment to learn what the snow in Grand Chokmah felt like. Physically, it couldn't be any different, but he and the snow were in a different place, in a different time.

It wasn't Keterburg, but it was... Home?

From out of nowhere, the back of his head was struck suddenly by a ball of snow. Upon impact, it burst into a cloud of white and dispersed, its flakes returning to the snowy ground around his feet. Though it didn't hurt, Dist still rubbed his head anyway and spun around, knowing who he would find behind him without even a second guess. Having his attention, Jade smirked and came closer.

“What are you doing out here dressed like that? Trying to catch a cold?” Jade asked. He wasn't one to talk when he dressed the exact same way, wearing the same thing he would sleep in with the addition of some boots. Without fail, he always knew the quickest and easiest ways to grind Dist's gears, but... His contrariety was appealing in its own sort of way.

It was hard to guess what he was thinking sometimes, but not when he smiled like that.

“What was that for?” Dist mumbled rhetorically, staring at him over the rim of his glasses.

“I wasn't sure you'd hear me. You looked like you were in your own little world,” he explained. Hearing that, Dist desperately tried to hide the flush it brought to his face, though he had the horrible feeling that it hadn't escaped Jade's notice. “I had to get your attention somehow.”

Turning away, Dist walked a few paces away from him, getting closer to the street. The sun was only just beginning to shine, its pinkish light lazily mingling with the the blue shadows that hid quietly between the houses. He wished that he could tell Jade exactly what he'd been thinking without feeling like a romantic fool. It was easier to talk that way in front of other people who didn't really know him, but Jade was able to see right through him, right to the nervous child inside of him who still hadn't quite grown up.

It wasn't like he had to say anything anyway. Behind him, Jade was quiet, like he hadn't expected him to say anything, like he was there for the same reason – to appreciate the sight of the gentle pastel light upon the snow.

Hearing the quiet crunch of snow beneath boots, Dist looked to his side and found Jade standing next to him. Their eyes met and Dist felt himself boiling up inside again, but he refused to look away when Jade was that close. It felt important that he always held his gaze when their eyes met that way, like if he looked away for even a second, Jade might vanish again.

Jade laughed softly to himself. “You looked like a kid who was just seeing snow for the first time, as if you hadn't seen it every day for half of your life.” Lifting a hand, he lightly brushed some snow off the top of Dist's head. His fingers lingered for a moment – just a moment, but long enough to make Dist feel as though he were being strangled.

He couldn't take the way his heart got twisted up over the smallest things Jade did.

“W-well... Some of us aren't as eager to become jaded old men like you, _Jade_ ,” Dist huffed, trying to deflect. It was a pitiful try. He was getting worse and worse at hiding what he felt.

Was it even worth trying to hide it anymore? From the start, he'd practically been shouting his feelings at him, hoping that he would listen. In the end, he realized that he hadn't needed to be so loud, but there was something to be said for his persistence. If he hadn't been that way, he was sure that Jade would've tried to slip away again.

All those things he did for his attention... Indirectly, his actions had changed the world.

What he did was horrible – even he knew that – but if he hadn't lit the match that set ablaze the path that followed Van's footprints, then nothing would've changed. He had to start a war to get Jade to notice him.

The idea alone was so selfish, it was enough to make him laugh... Maybe he had helped change the world, but he hadn't changed at all.

Jade was right. He was childish.

But he didn't want to be loud. He didn't want to be flashy. He didn't really want to cause problems for anyone...

Jade, Peony, Nephry... Everyone else was so much more than he could ever be, and he wished that he could compete with them, but that wasn't who he was.

He just wanted to gaze at the snow with Jade at his side. That was all.

“Seeing the snow just makes me feel nostalgic. I don't know if that's a good thing, though,” Dist said, slightly lifting his glasses to rub his eyes, feeling them stinging. Next to him, he noticed Jade staring pensively toward the street, and he followed his gaze to where two children were playing in the snow. An older woman was with them – probably their mother. She chased after them as they chased each other. Even though Jade's expression was tense and unreadable, Dist still had the feeling he knew what he had on his mind. “...Do you ever think about going back?”

Looking surprised, like he'd been snapped out of a daydream, Jade looked at him. “To Keterburg, you mean?”

“Yes, Keterburg. Where else would I mean?”

Smirk returning, Jade folded his arms over his chest. He might've just been cold. “Well, let's see. The last time I was there...” For a perceptible moment, his eyes darkened. “I was there with Luke and his entourage. It wasn't like it was a vacation, but- Hm.” His mouth flattened as his gaze drifted to the ground around his feet. “I'm not even sure how long it had been since I had seen my sister, and one of the first things she did was start talking about you...”

It sounded like it must have bothered him. Though, at the time, considering what had been going on, Dist couldn't blame him if he'd felt that way. He'd caused them a lot of trouble. He even ruined Jade's reunion with Nephry by keeping her preoccupied. Yet, knowing that, he couldn't help but feel a little happy.

Dist pretended to take offense. “Hey. It's nice to know that _someone_ was thinking about me.”

Holding out a hand, Jade caught a few of the falling snowflakes in his palm and closed his fingers around them as if to grasp the cold in a physical sense. “It's fine. That wasn't what bothered me. I'm sure you must have felt it too. That's why you asked me if I've thought about going back, isn't it?” Slowly, he opened his palm. The delicate snowflakes had completely disappeared. “When we went there, everything looked like how I remembered. Everything was exactly where I expected it to be. But something was missing.”

Dist knew what he meant.

It was a feeling without a shape, like those snowflakes after they'd melted and disappeared. The part about it that made it ache was knowing that there was no way to say whether it existed after it had faded. Back then, it must have seemed so obvious that they took it for granted and overlooked it.

Just looking at Jade, Dist got the sense that he wanted to grasp it, to reach out and hold it even if it would disappear again the moment he seized it. With that analytical mind of his, it was like that would be the only way he would be able to define that feeling.

“You look like you want to go back there again,” he said, watching Jade's faraway gaze, “but I know you couldn't bear to stay, even if we were all there.”

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Jade tilted his head and stared at him askance. “Why do you have to be the one who understands me?”

Try as he might to make that sound like an insult, it made Dist feel honored. Not that he could show it, of course.

“Some kind of divine retribution, perhaps. On both of us. Why'd I have to get stuck with _you?_ Why are _you_ so special?”

The serious look Jade wore was broken with a small, self-satisfied smile. “My, I'm honored that you hold me in such high regard.”

That didn't sound like his best effort. His sarcasm was usually a lot wittier than that. It was almost like he was trying to say that he really _did_ feel honored to have his approval. It was hard to find a comeback. Jade let it slide, and Dist's heart was seized again.

Even if they did go back, it would only be to feed their nostalgia; the thing that kept them firmly embedded in the past. Now that they were just beginning to move away from it, returning would only reverse their progress, reminding them of everything they missed and the mistakes they made that tore their happiness away.

The people in Keterburg loved them. To them, they were local heroes, but they didn't know about the dark history that followed them. They didn't know the innumerable feelings he and Jade experienced whenever they saw the snow.

Walking the rest of the way, lifting his feet carefully, Dist reached the fence at the edge of the drive and leaned down, resting his arms through the gate. Jade followed him, but he simply stood at his side. “Pretty soon, Nephry's going to be married to Peony,” Dist said, “and then there won't be any reason for us to go back at all. Everyone will be here. It'll be just like it used to be, just somewhere new.”

And just like it used to be, he would probably fade into the background.

Expecting the silence to persist, he was surprised when Jade spoke up using a matter-of-fact tone.

“Saphir, I think there's something about me that you misunderstood.” Taking a breath, he straightened his back. “When we were younger, I may have always been quiet, but that didn't mean that I was hiding my strength. I was just as much a child as you all were. One could say that I was strong-willed, yes, but I let myself be swayed by the waves that others made around me. It just happened that whoever made the biggest waves were the ones who carried me. So, if you were curious, that was how I came to be here under Peony.”

That hadn't been what he meant when he mentioned the others, yet Jade was still able to sense what was on his mind somehow. Really, it must have been divine retribution that he be understood by the same person who infuriated him.

“Is that why you're here now with me, too?” Dist asked, toeing the snow around the edge of the gate.

“What are you expecting me to say? Of course that's why I'm here with you now,” Jade replied. Dist thought he'd be laughing, but he wasn't. “You went and lost your mind and chased me all the way around the world so that I'd notice you, didn't you?”

“Ah- Ahh...”

Yes, he recalled doing something as foolish as that. He couldn't forget it, in fact. Jade didn't have to keep reminding him.

“Honestly...” Jade muttered, shaking his head.

“Wait, so- What point are you trying to make now, telling me that?”

“Hm? Oh, how silly of me. I thought we were on the same page.” There it was. That devilish grin was back.

Dist narrowed his eyes and flipped his hair away from his face. “Just explain it, already. It's in your interest to be clear with me, seeing as how – as you put it – I have a tendency to 'lose my mind'.”

“Ah, that's true,” Jade said, instantly receiving a light punch to the arm. That only made his grin intensify. “What I mean to say is that you're the one pulling me along now. Try not to think about it too deeply. I'd actually prefer for it to stay as simple as it feels.”

That was... unexpectedly romantic-sounding, coming from him. It was enough to make Dist's face start to heat up again. “I thought I was the one trailing behind you.”

“Yes, how about that?” Jade said, capturing his eyes. “It sounds like we're chasing each other's tails.”

“Hold on. Doesn't that mean that we've been going in circles? Instead of being ahead of you or behind you, I'd much rather... walk next to you.” All of their circular talk was beginning to make his head hurt. It was too early to be thinking in metaphors. It seemed like that was the only way they could ever explain themselves.

“Perhaps we've been standing still this whole time,” Jade said, pretending to sound wistful.

It was getting out of hand.

“Aren't you the one who said not to overthink it? 'Standing still'? What does that even mean? Don't go waxing poetic and expect me to understand. You're doing it on purpose now, aren't you?”

With sudden seriousness, Jade's smile vanished, and something sparkled within his eyes in its place. “Allow me to simplify it then, so that even you can understand.”

Completely captivated by his stare, Dist couldn't move. It was kind of frightening, being paralyzed like that in front of someone who some others would've seen as dangerous. For a flash, he didn't know what to expect from him, and his mind was still a mess as Jade lifted a hand and grasped his chin between his fingers. Even as their mouths met, Dist's head was swirling with confusion, not a single thought becoming clear. The only thing resonating inside of his cluttered head was the frantic sound of his heartbeat.

It wouldn't have seemed surprising if it weren't Jade. After all the time they spent together, the history they had together, a kiss like that should have been obvious.

“I- ...I don't understand you at all!” Dist snapped, his voice lacking heat as he weakly pushed at Jade's chest.

He put a few feet between them, turning his back on him mostly to keep him from seeing his embarrassment. The second he was turned the other way, a smile uncontrollably spread from one side of his face to the other, so wide that it almost hurt. A delighted laugh begged to come out, but he swallowed it down.

A relaxing sort of silence came after that. Once he was confident that he'd regained his composure, Dist rejoined Jade's side and watched the snow with him, feeling another smile forming as two more children left their homes to join the two from earlier.

Without his notice, they'd gotten so close that their shoulders were touching. A glance in Jade's direction told him that Jade wasn't minding their closeness.

Jade rested a hand between the links of the gate, looking like he wanted open it and start walking.

“You might not expect it because Grand Chokmah gets so hot in the summer, but, because we're far north, it also has very cold winters like this,” he explained. “Now that the snow is falling, I expect it will stay for a while. The city relies on its access to the ocean, even when the water within the city begins to freeze.” He looked at Dist from the corners of his eyes. “So, how about it? Have any interest in finally learning how to skate?”

He couldn't be serious... “Not if you're going to drop me through the ice again,” Dist replied. He was terrified to think of what would happen if they ever really went ice skating again. It wasn't like he'd had the time to practice _skating_ of all things...

Well, whatever. Jade couldn't be serious anyway-

“That was an invitation, you know.”

He was serious?

In that case, there was only one way to accept his invitation, bad idea or not.

“Hmph! I'll show you how much better I am this time!”

Turning, laughing out loud, Jade started walking back up the drive. “You have time to think about it. I don't think anything will be frozen yet anyway. Seeing it snowing out here, it's true that it made me remember a lot of unpleasant things, but not all of my memories from back then are bad ones. I think you could even say that there are some memories I think quite fondly of.”

If he didn't know better, Dist would've let himself sink into that deceptively sweet smile that Jade gave him. “You were such an evil kid... I could've died! I was hypothermic!”

Jade's fond memories were apparently the ones Dist replayed in his nightmares.

Unfazed, Jade gestured for him to follow. “Come on back inside. Even if you're used to the cold, I don't want you getting hypothermia on me now. Get dressed and then we'll go find coffee.”

Dist begrudgingly followed him, letting out a hot huff that turned into a cloud around his face that fell behind him as he stepped through the light snow.

He almost stopped in his tracks when he realized what Jade was saying.

“I meant to finish making it, but I got distracted when I looked out the window,” he muttered, though that was just an excuse.

“Yes, so I noticed.” Just the same, Jade was giving him an excuse.

Hustling, Dist caught up with him as he reached the door. “You just want to go for a walk in the snow, don't you?”

“I'll get your leash.”

“You wanna die?”

Behind him, in front of him, beside him – it didn't matter where they were, and it didn't matter where their memories came from. They were together. Jade could put a leash on him for all he cared if it meant that they could stay that way.


End file.
